As most of you who actually know me know, we made the decision several months ago to stay in Durham for a fourth year, even though N graduates from Duke this spring. He’ll be working on Anglican ordination (and hopefully supplying a SECOND INCOME!! to our household for the first time) and I’m happy to be able to see my first class of ninth graders at HHS graduate in Spring 2010.
I guess.
I feel kinda done with HHS lately. As I consider how I’m developing as a professional, I’m unsure what else HHS has to offer me. Does that sound snooty? In no way am I belittling my time here–I just feel a little stagnant in my development here lately. Most of what I have gained here as a teacher is directly related to classroom management. I am So. Much. Better. at managing my classroom than I was two years ago, or even a year ago. Strictness is much more natural now. I am better at diffusing potential “situations.” I don’t take nearly as much crap, and the kids know it. Basically, I rock. (Although…check back with me next semester when I have a standard class that will most likely be more difficult, and we’ll see if I still rock then.) Anyway, most of the energy and time that I’ve put into improving myself as a teacher since I started at HHS has focused on that. As I tell people all the time, I feel that being an English teacher at HHS has very little to do with teaching English and has much more to do with forming effective relationships and creating a stable, loving environment.
Ah, but there is the rub–that thing about not teaching much English. Of course I teach English–I teach it everyday, duh, but I don’t feel that I have progressed very far as an effective teacher of English. I’ve become better at teaching engaging lessons, but not necessarily at the actual content. This is not for lack of resources. I’ve gotten (and used) many great ideas from the other English I teachers that I’ve worked with for three years, but at this point we may have stalled out on trading plans–there is only so much “stealing” you can do from people you’ve worked with for a few years before all that’s left is what really doesn’t jive with your personality and style in the classroom. Plus the drain of teaching a standardized tested area is only getting wider and more suction-y (that was an amazing metaphor, yes?) This is not just a need to mix up my curriculum–I’ve done that like crazy. It’s a matter of being able to look with a critical eye at how I teach what I teach to see what is effective, what isn’t, and what could be taken deeper. Though I love my English I teammates, I wonder if some new-to-me, more experienced blood might help with that. I’m not so sure how to do it myself.
I guess that’s really the point. When I say that I don’t know what else HHS has to offer me, I mean that I’m not sure who or what else I can learn from, aside from just guiding the whole process myself.
The other problem with trying to grow as a professional here is that the environment here is so unhealthy that it is hard find the energy to grow. Sometimes things are so dysfunctional that it takes twice as long as planned– or twice as much energy–to accomplish what should be simple maneuvers (copying a worksheet, sharing an alternate schedule with students, attending a meeting, asking a student to go to class). Not to say that these delays don’t happen in other schools (everywhere there are “those days”), but I have to think that they don’t happen daily. A group of fabulous teachers and I have even taken extra time for the last two years organizing meetings to help alleviate some of the dysfunction, to no great avail, I’m afraid. I don’t say all this to make excuses, but I do say it to emphasize what I believe to be a higher-than-average possibility for burnout. And burnout is not conducive to professional development.
As I see it, there are a few options:
1. Leave HHS. Not appealing for several reasons. One, we will most likely be leaving Durham after one more year, and I don’t know that it is worth learning a whole new school just for one year. Two, I would be leaving my AVID kids, who expect to have me next year too, as well as leaving the other AVID coordinators in a difficult situation. Also, I love my HHS friends, and do not relish the thought of staying in Durham without getting to work with them everyday. However, I honestly think that if N and I were staying in Durham long term, next year might be the year to move on to a new school (possibly the kind of school that I couldn’t have gotten hired at as a newbie teacher three years ago).
2. Change nothing. Keep teaching ninth grade at HHS. The good side of that is I’d like to try for National Board Certification next year, and it would not be smart for me to try that while teaching a new curriculum. But is shooting for NBs next year a pipe dream anyway (especially since I feel rather under-skilled at teaching actual English content)? Is that really enough reason to stay with ninth grade? One other thing to consider–there is a possibility (oh please! oh please!) that there will be administrative changes here next year. That could mean plenty of change in itself. There’s no promise that it would be good change (although…considering…) but any change would be welcome in that realm at this point.
3. Teach a different grade at HHS. I was considering this for awhile, but the National Board thing applies here too. Plus, it’s possible I wouldn’t even be granted a change to a different grade–I’m now experienced at teaching a tested subject and I doubt there are any other experienced teachers dying to teach freshmen. But this could be cool–there would be some fabulous new people to collaborate with and I’ve heard that teaching upperclassmen is totally different.
There are other unanswered questions that inform those possibilities. As far as a bigger step in professional development is concerned, I don’t know yet what I want to do for graduate school. In fact, I might know less now than I felt like I knew a year ago. I know I don’t want to be an administrator, but I could see myself going the professor route OR staying in high schools forever, or even possibly going the route of school policy and change. (Look, as far as I can tell, no one knows how to fix American education, so I might as well figure it out.) I also don’t know if I want to or am called to continue teaching in under-privileged schools. All part of the grand conundrum.
Oh, before you say, “H, ask not what your school can do for you, but what you can do for your school,” let me consider that side of things too. I know I’m making a difference here. I provide good teaching and a good environment for learning, and I lead some things that need to be led. My students like learning in my class and the fact that I’ve been here–at a school that experiences so much staff turnover–for three years is significant. But am I more needed here than I would be somewhere else? I really don’t know. Could I be a more effective teacher elsewhere? Maybe. Would I like to find out at some point? Clearly–thus the feeling of stagnation.
Anyway–I’m interested in feedback and input, especially from some of my teacher readers. Some of you have changed schools, taught different grades, experienced different opportunities. You have wisdom that I don’t. I’ll be discussing this with my mentor and others soon, but what do you think?
H,
I like how long this is, so you can consider a lot of angles. Turn the gem, turn the gem, turn the gem, and see how the light comes through. Also, you said we talked about this, but you’re much more positive about yourself here. You do rock, rock.
Love you,
Nick
Here are my thoughts, based on my knowledge of you and my experience as a 30-year teacher. Nick says that you can consider a lot of angles. But if you turn enough angles, you end up where you started, which is not where you want to be.
1. You state that ‘being an English teacher at HHS has very little to do with teaching English and has much more to do with forming effective relationships and creating a stable, loving environment.’ In my experience with teaching and coaching, you can’t do the former until you do the latter. Students must respect you as a person before they respect and listen to what you say. I think you’re finding this to be true in your development over the last 3 years.
About learning from your fellow teachers: Are there books out there about teaching English (specifically)? Certainly there must be. Check it out. Also, can you work with other subject teachers on integrating curricula? Students need to see how one subject is important to the other. I’ve tried to do this with my classes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
It is true that burnout is not conducive to professional development. Most likely the “burnout” is coming from frustration with the bureaucracy and not teaching itself. Somethings you can change, some things you can’t. Try to change what you can (you and your fellow teachers have done this), but don’t let what you can’t change drag you down. Don’t be consumed by negativism (like my “colleague”). Even though you may not respect the person in charge, you still have to respect the office. (Where else have we heard that?)
I’m not familiar with the National Board of Certification, so tell me what it means to be certified. Is it more important to you to be certified or to teach an upper grade? Which would provide more professional development to you? I have found that teaching or developing a new class has been good for my professional development. But I also am constantly experimenting with new methods of delivery in the classes I teach every year. Keep your mind open to new methods. Again, some work, others don’t.
Could you be a more effective teacher elsewhere? I doubt it. In fact, if things were too good at a different school, you might become complacent. After all, if the test scores are good, you must be doing everything right!
Should your future goals be to change school policy? Perhaps. I’m not sure how you get into a position to do this, though, especially without getting into administration. Maybe you should campaign to become secretary of Education. I think initial change has to start from the ground up, which is what you are trying to do now.
In the future, though, I can see you getting into teaching at the univeristy level and conducting research on school policy and change. But to be effective there, you need to have the experiences that you are getting now.
That’s how I see it.
L, D
Dad–
“About learning from your fellow teachers: Are there books out there about teaching English (specifically)? Certainly there must be. Check it out. Also, can you work with other subject teachers on integrating curricula?”
Of course there are books, but books are not what I am looking for at this point. I’ve found that though books can be helpful, until something works in the “real world” it is not so useful. I know how to teach English–but I want to learn from masters that I can see in action. I like the idea of integrating subjects. Something to look toward, even within the English I team.
“Most likely the “burnout” is coming from frustration with the bureaucracy and not teaching itself. Somethings you can change, some things you can’t. Try to change what you can (you and your fellow teachers have done this), but don’t let what you can’t change drag you down.”
I know that is where the burnout is coming from. I like actual teaching. I am much better at not letting what I can’t change drag me down than I was in my first year.
What it means to be National Board Certified is too much to explain here. We can talk some other time about that.
“But I also am constantly experimenting with new methods of delivery in the classes I teach every year. Keep your mind open to new methods.”
I do this. What I am looking for is new places to find new methods. I like what you say in the last paragraph. I agree that the experiences I am having now will affect any future plans/decisions I make about my career.
Thanks for responding. Love you.